40+ People Reveal the Weirdest Thing a Medical Professional Has Said to Them

Tricky Brick / March, 28, 2024

We can't get enough of shows like ER House and Grey's Anatomy—hospital dramas are so addictive! While we love the crazy stories we also fall in love with the quirky doctors. Even though these medical professionals are played by actors in real life doctors can be just as unusual.

From cracking jokes during intense procedures to saying they should have died these people took to Reddit to share the weirdest things medical professionals have casually said to them. You won't believe some of the crazy things these doctors said!

1 Nurse's Surprise

U/piconese: "I was getting my blood drawn for a mono test back around 2006. The older lady nurse asked me what sort of music I liked. I figured she was making small talk to get my mind off the needles so I rattled off a few bands I’d been listening to.

One of them happens to be the postal service. She says 'Oh I know that one!' I reply 'Yeah it’s the same lead singer as Death Cab for Cutie.' She says 'I know. He’s my son.'"

2 Surgical Bonus

U/intothewoods0820: "My ob-gyn was about to start sewing me up after a c-section when she noticed a cyst on my ovary. She told me it had caused enough torsion to twist it down and start growing in my uterus She said to my husband 'Look at how twisted this is.

Don't worry this will only take a second and I won't charge for it.' while proudly displaying my entire reproductive system with both hands. He's a trooper. Didn't look grossed out or anything just a very deadpan 'Thanks for not charging us for that.'"

3 Words of Wisdom

U/kodlab115: "When I was 12 I had a dentist say 'Hold on I think I might be counting wrong you shouldn't have those yet… okay never mind those are your wisdom teeth. Your mouth is just huge I guess.'

They said it was the youngest they'd ever seen anyone get their wisdom teeth. They called in every dentist in the building to come look at my mouth."

4 Blunt Diagnosis

U/InABoxOfEmptyShells: "A nurse of some kind took my blood pressure. He asked what the numbers were. I asked 'Is that good?' He said 'I’m not qualified to give you a professional opinion on the matter. You should ask your doctor.' I asked 'But like unprofessionally is that good?'

He said 'Unprofessionally? Well in my purely personal opinion that I am sharing with you as an individual and not in any medical or official capacity whatsoever you should buy stronger deodorant' Edit: for clarity I was stinky I was homeless at the time. I was well aware of this fact. If you’re worried you’re a little funky don’t. You would almost assuredly notice if you smelled really bad."

5 Awkward Reunion

U/Marauder424: "My previous OBGYN came through my line at my old job. For some reason I blanked out who he was. Like I knew I knew him but for the life of me I couldn't remember how. He saw I was struggling and said 'Don't remember me? I'll give you a hint: last time I saw you you were in my office with your ankles in the air!'

Loudly in front of a line of little old ladies fresh from church wanting to buy flowers from the garden center. He was an amazing doctor and figured out what was wrong with me when no other doctor could but in that moment the embarrassment could have killed me lol."

6 Against All Odds

U/MichiganGeezer: "When my girlfriend was in the ICU one of the nurses sorta shrugged and said dismissively 'She's gonna die anyhow.' She should have. Her kidneys had shut completely down and she was so swollen that her tongue wouldn't fit in her mouth.

We were deciding whether to continue life support or not. She didn't die. A month and a half later she walked out of the hospital and into my car for the ride home."

7 Unexpected Remark

U/ksozay: "'Wait did he say he wanted to be awake?' When I was in the operating room waiting to get my appendix removed. I met the anesthesiologist and asked to him make sure I didn't 'wake up' in the middle of it. I didn't want to be aware of what was going on.

He counted me down and right before it all went black he said this to the surgeon. I remember thinking 'you a------' and then it all went dark."

8 Leg Press Mishap

U/Aol_awaymessage: "I snapped both of my Achilles while finishing off a set of heavy leg presses with calf extensions. I didn’t close it all of the way and the sled crashed down on me pinning my legs next to my head. (Yes- I was dumb not to use the safety pins!

They weren’t there (they constantly disappeared to other machines) so I was lazy for not using them and paid the price. The doctor looked at my scans and said 'These are mirror images of each other. You must have good form.'"

9 Feline Intervention

U/Miwwies: "My gynecologist while trying to remove my IUD when the strings weren't visible and fishing through my cervix (with local anesthesia thank god…) Come here kitty!

In all honestly I think he spaced out and was very concentrated to avoid unnecessary pain (the uterus wasn't happy with the invasion) and he most definitely has cats and the words just came out… He bursted out laughing with embarrassment and said sorry more than I could care to count. Honestly I thought it was hilarious. I've been seeing him for a long time for many IUDs and he's a gem."

10 Barnyard Humor

U/dinosarahsaurus: "We found this funny but I often wonder if the nurse ever thinks about it and feels embarrassed. The nurse came barrelling into our curtained-off area of the ER. My mom was on a stretcher with broken vertebrae from falling off her horse.

Nurse: whoa it smells like a barn in this ER. Sometimes you gotta wonder if some people know how to bathe. looks at the chart you fell off your horse…. at the barn."

11 Frank Advice

U/ThatBloodyHippy: "I was 18 at the time and went to the family doctor that brought me into the world. The reason was I was having great pain urinating and was leaking a pus-like substance.

After getting a shot I went to his office I sat down and he lit a W------ rocked back in his chair whilst taking a big drag and said 'I am going to talk to you like a Dutch uncle if you do not know if it is clean keep your g-------- zipper zipped up.'"

12 IUD Relief

U/Enzar7: "I had severe severe SEVERE pelvic pain that got worse over time after IUD. Had it for just over a year and went back to the doctor insisting something was wrong. She insisted there was no way my pain was caused by the IUD and that I just needed 'pelvic floor therapy' or 'cognitive therapy and antidepressants'. I was furious.

Saw another doctor who said he could promise me my pain was from the IUD (based on 2 ultrasounds done by the old doctor). He pulled out the IUD and by the time I had walked back out to my truck my pain was gone."

13 Healthcare Humor

U/JustGenericName: "My favorite mishaps that I've made: Asked a patient how tall he was…. looked up from my computer and realized he was a double amputee…. 'How are you today?' Meanwhile I'm literally there to fly them out in a helicopter because they are having a monumentally BAD day.

'Do you have any living children?' The patient is holding a baby on her hip. Guys…. sometimes it's hard to think and talk and do s--- all at the same time. I'm sorry healthcare workers are insensitive I -----."

14 Heart-Stopping Conversation

U/oiraves: "With one leg on his chair…in the middle of a rather lengthy conversation and as an aside 'so they're probably going to run a wire up into your heart and give it a little shock to put an extra beat in there if it gives you a lethal arrhythmia we'll know somethings wrong but it should just stabilize on its own!'

I stopped him and asked 'Did you just say you were going to try and give me a heart attack and if I don't die I'm fine?' He said 'Ah yes I guess but that's why we are doing it in the hospital.'"

15 Unfamiliar Tool

U/Prof-Rock: "My doctor as he's rooting around inside my abdomen. 'Huh? What is that? I've never seen one of those before.' It turns out it wasn't something inside me. The nurse was handing him an instrument that was new to him. I was sure flabbergasted for a minute though.

C-section so I was awake. Everything came out great. He used the instrument without a problem."

16 Laughing Verdict

U/holysmokesiminflames: "Went to the docs for some wild stomach pain. He pressed on my stomach a few times and said 'I think you're full of s---.' I was insulted and said 'No but I'm having painful stomach attacks. Maybe there's imaging or blood tests you can do?'

And he presses once more before looking at me and says 'I'm not saying you're lying. I'm saying you are full of s--- literally. You're backed up.' And starts laughing."

17 No Charge

"Picture this folks: I'm lying on the operating table post-C section still dazed and foggy when the doc suddenly stumbles upon something unusual! My innards bared to the world she spots a nasty-looking cyst tangled and twisted up in one wayward ovary all cozy and unwelcome against my uterus. With this twisted spectacle in full view she spins around looks my husband straight in the eyes and says with a smirk 'Hold on tight this won't take more than a hot sec and I won't even throw an extra charge on your bill.'

As for my husband he was more concerned that I had just finished a major surgery and was only just getting over the amount of blood. In my hazy state I heard the doctor make some kind of inappropriate innuendo that he didn’t catch onto right away but I heard. It’s safe to say I didn’t see that doctor again."

18 Miracle Discovery

U/vtfb79: "A neurologist after reviewing my MRI after a very low-speed car accident: Renowned Dr.: 'So you have no pain/tingling in your arms or legs?' Me: 'No' Dr.: 'How?'

Turns out my results show that I should either be in constant excruciating pain or have some paralysis and she was just so shocked she lost her ability to show emotion. Every day is a blessing."

19 Pricey Date

U/Cannoli_Emma: "I had to have my shoulder put back in place after a dislocation while I was on a date with my now wife. The doctor said 'Well you’re going to be a pretty expensive date tonight!'

He then spent about 10 minutes putting it back in as I tried not to throw up from the pain. My wife said I was the first guy she ever took home because after that night she didn’t think her USMC dad would be able to intimidate me."

20 Retrieval Request

U/frustrated_t-rex: "'Can I have my finger back?' I was 19 and had had a fairly serious car accident. They needed to do a rectal exam to confirm there were no internal issues there.

However…..the doctor was extremely good looking and well…I'd never had anything going up there before. My muscles clenched in embarrassment and panic. As a result he had to ask me to relax so he could remove his finger. One of my top 3 most embarrassing moments."

21 Crash and Burn

U/brianbmx94: "After destroying my knee riding BMX at 17 the emergency surgeon said 'Wow really f----- that up.'

10 years later and another serious knee injury from riding I saw the same surgeon (he did a great job on the first one). The first words out of his mouth were 'I remember you. F----- up the other one huh?'"

22 Emotional Rollercoaster

U/Tacolife973: "Was living in a foreign country and had a cold / flu-type illness. Went to the doctor and he came in eating a bowl of cereal. Already weird. Checks some things and says 'Do you know what AIDS is'? I’m in complete shock and say yes I do. He follows up with 'It’s a virus and there is no cure'.

Goes on to explain why there is no cure all while I’m seeing my life over as I know it. Finally ends with 'But you don’t have that virus you have a different one much more common and treatable but I wanted you to understand why an antibiotic wouldn’t work'. Still in shock I’m like so I don’t have AIDS then right? He goes no and walks out. What a roller coaster."

23 Grow Up

U/TheTownof_Canada: "Back pain I’m not young. The doctor just said basically 'Well that’s just life for you. You are tall.' 'So I’m just going to end up being a hunched-over 90-year-old?' 'Lol you are not going to see 90.'

'Um…pardon?' 'How many tall old people have you ever seen?' 'Oh…yeah…okay.'"

24 Bear Necessities

U/wheatgrass_feetgrass: "My doctor told me this when he noticed my chronic low body temperature and asked me other questions about weight gain and pooping frequency.

He said 'Some people are just built to hibernate you're just like hibernating all the time.' This was in the same conversation where he diagnosed me with a sleep disorder too. Can't even hibernate properly."

25 By the Book

U/memesforbismarck: "I apparently had a very rare problem and even the oldest doctor only had seen this two times in his life. For the next few session all other doctors were called in and he showed them it.

I was fine with it but it was an odd situation sitting on the dentist's chair while four doctors and a few nurses were around you and looked very interested in what would happen next. So I was the real-life example for a textbook lecture."

26 Catty Behavior

U/PeanutButterPigeon85: "Reminds me of a time when I took my cat to the vet. It was time for him to get sterilized but during the appointment the vet discovered that his testicles had never descended. It caused a small sensation in that office and every single vet and trainee vet in that office wanted to feel his empty b-------.

After the second person copped a feel my cat started squirming. By the fifth he drew blood. 'All right' the vet said as she withdrew her shredded finger 'I guess we deserved that.'"

27 Bitter Business

U/NewbieRepGuy: "'If you want to help people don’t go into medicine. As a doctor I’m nothing more than a people mechanic and much like a car mechanic I patch people back together well enough to get them out of the door until I see them again. If I could go back I’d run as far away from medicine as I could.'

For context this sentiment was offered to me by a 70-year-old 40+ year tenured physician who was on more boards than I care to list and was a very well-respected surgeon. As many in the comments have stated his distaste for the job had very much to do with the long list of hoops that he had to jump through to order and perform even the most basic treatments and yes the endless charting was exhaustive to witness much less perform."

28 Doggy Daycare

U/Rosieapples: "I live in Ireland the surgeon who replaced my hip is also a farmer. The day before I was due to be discharged he came in on his rounds he said 'I may or may not see you tomorrow it depends on the dog' so I said 'ok what’s up with the dog?' He told me the dog broke his leg and was having it set tomorrow but he wasn’t sure what time so I said 'Shur bring in the oul dog and I’ll mind him'…

Shortly after breakfast he arrived in with the dog a lovely border collie with his leg in plaster he stayed with me watching TV till the doctor was finished replacing another hip and was ready to discharge me and we could all go home. It could only happen in Ireland."

29 No Filter

U/WiscoCheeses: "I told an OBGYN during an exam my husband and I had just started trying to get pregnant and she said 'Are you tracking your cycle or just f------ all time?'

Hearing that come out of a small elderly black woman was freaking hilarious!!! She was close to retirement and had zero filter miss her!"

30 Watch Your Language

U/chabs1965: "Lol that reminds me of a doctor I went to to get skin tags removed. He was just using scissors so after he was done I looked like I had wrestled with a cheese grater.

I'm trying not to yell but one good one made me say F---!!! loud. I instantly apologized and he said oh no worry my 5-year-old says worse."

31 Stitchy Situation

U/youreawizard_baby: "'Whoops! I’m just going to kind of…tack it on. It’ll probably hold.' While having my fingertip reattached after a freak accident. As I left the ER a different medical professional said to me 'Oh wow they saved it? We were sure you were going to lose it. We even placed bets!'

ETA: The 'whoops' was a comment the doctor made after putting in one of the stitches. It did not inspire confidence."

32 Show and Tell

U/feminist_chocolate: "Omg my OBGYN did my Pap smear while my husband was in the room (which I requested because I have a lot of anxiety with gynae appointments after a few miscarriages and a stillbirth). Dr: Oh wow that’s a beautiful cervix. Do you want to see it? *looks at my husband * Naturally curious husband: yes!

Excited and happy Dr: can I show him? It looks so nice and healthy. Me utterly caught off guard: uh … yeah sure. Dr goes on to show and explain my cervix to my husband. It was a weird day for all of us. By the time my daughter was born a year later he usually saw us out of his office with a warm goodbye for me and a 'take care brother!' for my husband."

33 Oh, Mama

U/madeto-stray: "I just had to go to the hospital for intense pelvic pain. I had a tubal litigation a few months ago. When I tell this to the previously very nice ultrasound technician she goes on this weird rant about how old are you they gave you a tubal litigation at 30!? You’re sure you don’t want children??

I don’t even know what to say! All while she had the ultrasound wand up my v-----. Very f------- uncomfortable and also insane how 30 is too young to decide I don’t want kids? I’m not 12?!"

34 Daddy Issues

U/carr1e: "The first OB/GYN I went to was in the same group medical practice as my father (a pediatrician). While getting a routine PAP (after my dad had retired from medicine) the GYN says 'How's your dad doing? Is he enjoying retirement?'

My man can we NOT talk about my dad while you're knuckle deep in my hot pocket?"

35 Pain-Proof

U/_00: "I was getting a trigger point injection for a pinched nerve. My pain tolerance is extraordinarily high. Historically when my pain is at a level of 8+ and say so truthfully doctors don't believe me. This doctor…had a resident with him that day. He had the resident do the injection…He told the resident 'So I know you've been taught how to tell when people are in pain. Watch this patient's face while you do the injection.'

I didn't wince at all as the doctor expected and he said to the resident '…These injections are extremely painful and this patient didn't react. Always remember not everybody reacts to pain in a normal way.' As someone who's been dismissed as a…malingerer many times for that exact reason it was extremely refreshing to hear a doctor not only mention that but explicitly teach it to a resident."

36 Wrapped Up

U/PopeCerebus: "I was. about 18 when I first had a pilonidal cyst at the base of my spine. Was excruciating…just pain all the time. Go to the doctor. They lance and drain the cyst put in some gauze and tell me it is gonna continue to drain and I need to go see a specialist in a couple of days. On the third day everything was worse than before and I headed to the specialist and told him so.

So there I am bent over this table…when I hear this doctor exclaim 'HOLY S---!!!' So I naturally assume…everything is coming to an end for me. He follows up with 'Did they use an ENTIRE F------ ROLL OF GAUZE!!!' as he starts to look like a magician pulling a neverending line of handkerchiefs…Felt infinitely better after that but for a moment there I thought the worst."

37 Heart to Heart

U/MrsAlwaysWrighty: "My doctor said something like that after my third miscarriage too! She was great. She held my hand and looked at me kindly and said 'This is so f------ s---. I hate this' and it was exactly what I needed to hear.

I had had it up to hear with the sympathy and the 'you're so strong/inspiring/blah blah for keeping on going'. I just needed someone to tell it like it was - f------ s---."

38 Rx Behind Bars

U/inkseep1: "On the first visit he told me he was living in a motel for this temporary job. And the reason the job was temporary was that he knew he was probably going to go to jail. So right after that visit I rented a house to him.

It was 18 months while the case slowly went through the system and he was still my doctor. He ended up with 5 years in prison. And the doctor who hired him also ended up going to jail for 18 months."

39 Feeling Down

U/fatkidhangrypants: "Before my grandmother passed she was in the hospital and a nurse tried to gently explain that my grandmother had Down’s syndrome. I sort of laughed and said 'I assume that was a slip of the tongue but yes she has had episodes of sun downing.'

She got very upset and said that Down’s syndrome is no laughing matter and I needed to accept that my grandma had it and that it was typically progressive. Spoiler alert - my grandma did not have Down’s syndrome."

40 Hospital Hustle

U/SarahphimArt: "I was in the hospital for a few months last year. I got to know one of the nurses pretty well. she pretty much told me that during COVID-19 they had to 'scam' insurance companies. she worked on the internal healthcare ward specifically for lung problems so the ward was pretty much full with COVID patients and everything else was pushed back.

After a few months they noticed how all those appointments that were pushed back all became cancer patients. so they pretty much all worked together to get patients their appointments anyway. Apparently a lot of people quit because they couldn't deal with telling someone there was no room for them in the hospital only for them to then tell the same people that if they had found the cancer sooner they stood a chance."

41 Pain Olympics

"I went to see a headache specialist MD after being diagnosed with Cluster Headache. She asked me to describe the symptoms.

After I did she said (and I quote) 'You men you're all alike when it comes to pain. Well let me tell you something childbirth is way more painful than cluster headaches.' I never went back to her."

42 Pep Talk

U/GreenOnionCrusader: "'You sure you want to be put under to remove the lipoma? It will take longer to put you under than to get it out. Ok you probably would have passed out anyway. People usually do when we cut on them so close to their vital organs.'

He did a good job but I regret going back to him for another surgery because it didn't go smoothly the second time around."

43 Terminal Tactlessness

U/SeaTie: "Oh there were plenty when my mom was dying in the hospital. First was when she went to a random ER on vacation and the radiologist waltzed in and told her 'Hmm. Looks like you've got stage 4 lung cancer. Excuse me a moment.' And then walked right out of the f------ room without another word.

Three weeks later when she was dying in another ER and we were still trying to figure out WHERE the cancer even came from the oncologist rolled up to my sister Dr. Pepper in hand and told her: 'You know there's no hope for her right?' F------ a------ was lucky I wasn't in the room at the time."

44 Bedside Humor

U/Maximum_Vermicelli12: "I had to get my first Pap smear. (I was maybe 19.) Things progressed naturally enough until I finally expressed anxiety - they were about to come at me with the medical salad tongs. The nurse practitioner asked deadpan if I 'wanted some numbing first.' At least that’s what I heard.

Of course I said 'Yes please.' She proceeded to address my bits vocally: 'Num num num num num.' I didn’t feel the insertion because I was giggling. Looking back now I wonder was there any impropriety going on?"

45 Exit Strategy

U/kr2c: "A former doctor of mine didn't say anything weird it's just that everything he DID say he said while walking out the door of the exam room.

I genuinely never heard the second half of any of his sentences the dude did it so often that I thought he was trolling me. I had no idea what to do in response so I just found a new doctor instead."

46 Dose Dilemma

U/BrokeGamerChick: "'Oh that's unfortunate you're having side effects! Let's double your dose!' Word for word on a conversation about my seizure medication. You… you can't just do that.

My boyfriend got 'here take these' as a doctor pulled [drugs] out of his pocket no bottle because he needed infected stitches in his thumb removed. That was odd. He didn't take them and removed them at home himself instead."

47 Juicy Details

U/Trivia_C: "My partner a professional dancer just had hip surgery a few months ago and she's morbidly fascinated with the details of the surgery and what the surgeons see. When she had her follow-up with the surgeon the day after she asked how her psoas muscle looked (she was worried it had gotten weak).

Without a moment's hesitation his response was 'It looked delicious! That's the filet mignon muscle on a cow yours looked strong and juicy!' She was over the moon I was speechless lol."

48 Superman Status

U/fuqdisshite: "Aorta Dissected in November last…as the surgeon was standing over me all strung up in the theatre he says 'Mr…I need you to understand that this procedure only has an 80% success rate.' he then hit the plunger for my meds and I went out. when I woke up 6 hours later he was amazed and told me 'You are either Superman or Too Dumb to die.'

When he discharged me he said 'Look the flapper we put in you has a 40-year life span and no one has ever completed that. You are only 40 and can live to 80. We are studying you. Don't f--- it up.' 5/7 Perfect Score!"

49 Jean Genius

U/designgirl9: "I punctured my leg with the back of my ice skate (fell on my knees and the back of my skate went in). The wound never healed.

Six weeks later I went in for an appt and the Dr left the room brought all of his colleagues back in and said 'Have you ever seen anything like this in your life? Because nothing comes between her and her Calvins.' It was the 80s (with the Brooke Shields Calvin Kline Jean commercials) and a tiny square of jeans had been left in my leg."