Couple Claims They’ve Never Fought in 30 Years of Marriage
A master life coach, Hannah Keeley and her husband, Blair Keeley, a marketing professional, have been married for over 30 years. This extraordinary couple claims that they haven’t had a single argument in all these years. Not just this, they’ve never even raised their voices at each other; not even while parenting their 7 children.
The couple also talked about some other aspects of their relationship and about the strengths of their partnership. In a joint statement, they said, “relationships are a skill, not a gift.” They added, “We decided from the very beginning that our marriage was important enough to develop the skills of communication. Our parents both have long standing healthy relationships, [so] we learned what to do, and what not to do, by observing them.”
The pair views anger as “miscommunication”. Therefore, even though they agreed that they’ve gotten upset with each other from time to time in the past 30 years, they choose to “fight on the same side”, rather than fighting against each other. According to the Keeleys, “there is no winning or losing in an argument. An argument is there to expose something. If you resort to fighting, you’ve both lost.”
The couple shared seven tips that have helped them achieve their rare relationship. The first tip is to “share feelings and expectations”. The couple said, “You yell and scream at the easiest target available- your spouse.” Therefore, their advice is to communicate with each other before anger even gets a chance to bubble up. The next tip is to “challenge each other to grow”. They believe that if a marriage is between two people who challenge each other to grow, it leads to a powerful and peaceful partnership.
“Read the body language;” Blair and Hannah advice people to read the other person’s body language and observe their gaze. The fourth tip that they have for people is to “never go to bed angry.” According to them, “Anger towards your spouse can easily turn into a belief if you don’t manage the thought prior to bedtime.” Since nighttime is when we humans mostly encode our cognitive experiences from the entire day, we should always sort things out before sleeping. Another point is to “avoid the word ‘should’”. The Virginians said, “Holding the thought that your spouse ‘should’ be different is arguing with reality.”
They guide couples to “communicate, communicate, communicate!” They’ve put so much emphasis on communication, as they believe it to be very essential for a healthy relationship. Their last tip for pairs is: “Don’t sabotage something good”. They said, “if we believe we can’t avoid something, we will sabotage our own personal efforts to achieve any evidence that is in opposition to that belief. Maybe the very best thing you can do for your marriage is believe that harmony in that partnership is not only possible, but easy to achieve.”
Taking into consideration everything that the Keeleys said, multiple relationship experts and mental health professionals agreed that while fight-free relationships are uncommon, they are not impossible to achieve. According to Dr Daryl Appleton, a psychotherapist, “the goal of a healthy relationship should not be to avoid fighting, but instead be able to disagree in a way that allows for problems to actually be solved and for our partners and ourselves to feel seen and heard.”
Frank Thewes, a therapist based in New Jersey said, “couples who claim to never argue are either so well-matched that they never have a disagreement or open conflict- or they both have a tendency to withdraw from conflict and avoid open conflict and displaying uncomfortable emotions.”